As with most kids, I was quite outspoken when I was young and oftentimes that would get me into trouble with my family, teachers and classmates. Shouting the answer to a history question before the teacher even finished asking the question, speaking out of turn prior to having my name called out in class and inserting my two cents before someone could even take a breath before their next sentence were only a few of my offenses. Sure enough, these offenses oftentimes landed me a lecture with my dad. The upside to these lectures were that I didn’t get grounded. The downside was that it was 40 minutes of my time and his.

My dad liked to start these lectures with what it was that I did wrong, something about “You need to actively listen to your teacher and peers. They might have a response that you could really benefit from.” And of course, “It’s only your turn when the teacher calls on you.” (I know, I know.) “Don’t just say, you know, you know.” With infinite loops around these topics, he’d eventually lay it to rest and close with his mantra, “Christina, sometimes you just need to open your eyes and close your mouth.”

These lectures grew tiresome and a bit mundane because I had what they would call, “diarrhea of the mouth” syndrome and repeatedly got myself in the same situations over time. And each time, I dreaded those 40 minutes.

Lucky for me, I outgrew those stages of being a full-time student under my Dad’s roof. And eventually, I did learn how to listen to people and not talk over them. It took a great deal of restraint, counting to three (and sometimes five), and really trying to listen what people had to say before adding my two cents.

Of course, as I aimed to master this art of listening, my teachers enlightened me on that fact that there were various types of listening: active listening, appreciative listening, attentive listening, biased listening (this is one that my dog masters), casual listening and the list goes on. I never knew there were so many types of listening techniques. I realized that learning how to listen was going to become continual learning process for me. This mantra, ”…open your eyes and close your mouth” reverberated throughout my grammar school, high school and every now and then, beyond my college years.

While I didn’t appreciate it at the time, I’m glad I caught onto this early on, since these ‘talks’ helped me overcome a few speed bumps along the way in my career. Almost on a daily basis, I encounter several situations at work where people are constantly talking over one another in meetings, in passing, over the phone and even across email communications. Each person is concerned with getting his/her point across and as people continue to talk at one another as opposed to with one another, the reality is that signals get crossed and no one person effectively gets their point across. A meeting that should last 30 minutes gradually grows to 45 minutes and even an hour plus. Meeting agendas get derailed and pretty soon, you end up meeting more frequently, and question both the number and authenticity of meetings on your calendar. This causes people to repeat themselves in conversations, become more aggressive and irate in meetings, and ultimately, grow further apart from one another.

There are several ways to overcome this vice, and it starts with being more self-aware and having the willingness to learn how to listen. Pairing these ideas together will open the doors to break old habits and become receptive to the people around you. Additionally, here are a few tips I’ve learned along the way in my journey to become a more in-tune listener:

Take a breather. Count to three, take a five minute break, or come back a day or two from now. Chances are you’ll be able to absorb what’s been spoken, take a moment to think more strategically and then offer suggestions to push the idea and take it a step further.

Think before you speak. We all know this one, but it slips our minds every now and then. Invest some time into yourself and others, and really try to understand what it is that someone is trying to convey. Chances are you’re both on the same team.

Fight the urge to give in to the “two cent syndrome”. We all want to speak and be heard. It’s in our nature. There’s an appropriate time and place. Watch and listen to those verbal and non-verbal cues.

Spend some time alone. Sit at a coffee shop. Write in a journal. Take some quiet time for yourself. Reflect. Don’t underestimate what you learn about yourself and others in a moment or two of silence.

Remember, we’re in it together. Two is better than one. Brainstorming, coming to the table with two separate streams of thought, sharing ideas and offering different viewpoints. You’ll get further as a team than you will alone.

When was the last time you “opened your eyes and closed your mouth”? And what are some ways it has helped you and the people around you? What are some of your tips for becoming a better listener?